Another Dilemma!

The dilemma of growing old is something which touches everyone at some point of our lives-be it growing old ourselves or watching family members grow old. I have often heard debates about having elderly people live in the same house as young folks who have got married and need to start life afresh in a sense, adjusting to each other and all of that.

Invariably there is a clash between the two generations over issues such as who makes the decisions of the day to day running of the home. The parents find it hard to relinquish control over stuff they have always taken care of and the younger lot find it difficult to stomach being told what to do, even once they have entered the phase of matrimony, thereby signaling that one is mature and ready to take on an independent life with all it’s trials and tribulations.

The common complaints are usually about how the parents of the hubby (that’s how it is in most homes in India, isn’t it?) ride roughshod over how the daughter-in-law wishes to manage her home, kitchen etc. A woman is reminded ever so often of her duties as a daughter-in-law. Seldom does one hear about the role of the son or the son-in-law--again the age old refrain that as long as a man earns and gets money home, he’s done his duty. A woman needs to earn as well as take care of chores etc and certainly not be treated as if she is incapable of running her home without the nagging and supervision of the mom-in-law.

Now we try to get to the solution-why can’t we just accept that it is in everyone’s best interests for the older and younger generations to live separately? I quite like the system of the ‘West’ where everyone earns during their productive years so that they stash away enough to retire to an old age home with decent facilities and where their children can come visit. Familiarity can definitely breed contempt, especially in matters related to one’s in-laws! In Utopia, all would be well and gung ho but it doesn’t quite happen that way in reality-unfortunately, reality tells us otherwise.

Therefore, instead of just sticking it out under one roof to display how ‘close knit’ one is as a family to SOCIETY, it is far more sensible to have warm, cordial relations with in-laws and other relatives by living close by maybe, but not in the same house, as far as possible. The idea is to be able to assist each other in times of need and yet maintain some necessary boundaries for the sake of sanity and a decent quality of life.

It’s time we learn to appreciate and pick up the good aspects of the West rather than ape it in matters which have not worked for them and won’t work for us either, such as drugs, boozing, promiscuity, obesity and so on and so forth. Somewhere we have to be able to shed this ‘Indian obsession’ about trying to get everyone to live under one roof even if the inmates end up pretty much hating each other.